Opening scene: Holmes and Watson are playing a quiet game of cribbage and sipping on their pints of dark ale. Suddenly, the front door swings open, and Mrs. Hudson staggers into the room, clutching her heart. The boys rush to her aid…
Holmes: “Good grief, woman…what happened to you?”
Dr. Watson quickly checks her vital signs…
Watson: “Did you forgot to take your medicine, Mrs. Hudson?”
Mrs. Hudson: “Yes, Dr. Watson…I did take my medicine.” “I was taking my daily walk…you know I try my best to keep active, when, all of a sudden, I was walking past the Mentor City Hall and I was overcome by a putrid, God-awful, smell emanating from the building.” I saw the building being evacuated.”
Holmes: (Looking at Watson with his furrowed brow and puzzled gaze)…”This is serious Watson, we better get down there to find the source of the problem. Bring the hazmat gear, and don’t forget the “BS” meter….it’s a government building, you know, and it will help us find the source…this may be radioactive…”
Watson: “Oh my, Holmes…this is even more serious than I thought….Look at the “BS” meter readings…they are off the scales.”
Holmes: “Let’s go cautiously Watson…very, very cautiously, put your gas mask on securely.”
They wind their way through the building until they come to the City Council chambers.
Holmes: “The source is in here, Watson.”…”What have they done to put the Mentor residents and maybe all of Lake County in jeopardy?”
Watson: “Look there Holmes, on the floor, the newspaper article that seems to be glowing.”…”Good grief…the smell is bad enough to gag a maggot, Holmes.”
Holmes: (Gingerly picking up the article with a pair of tweezers, and inserting it into the hazardous waste container)
Holmes: “Watson, I am gobsmacked…I just cannot believe this”…”We are going to need the experts at the LFC forensic lab to analyze this.”…”They’ll get to the bottom of this, no doubt.”
Watson: “Can you give me an educated guess on what it is Holmes?”
Holmes: “In all my years doing detective work, Watson, I have, I mean NEVER have seen such a horrendous case of ‘SOUR GRAPES’ in my life.”
Watson: “Oh, the humanity….”..”What hath they wrought on Lake County?”
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Wow, our dynamic duo has solved the mystery of that foul odor in Mentor. The forensic experts at the LFC lab sent the following records request to Mentor’s City Manager today:
There is much more to come….stay tuned…
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Categories: Community Activism, Free Speech Zone, Lake County Cities & Townships, Mentor