By Brian Massie, A Watchman on the Wall
From the Babylon Bee’s satirical website…
Theologians Struggling To Explain How Loving God Could Allow Ohio
COLUMBUS, OH — The world’s leading theologians admitted this week that they have been collectively struggling to find a good explanation for why a loving God could allow Ohio.
“It’s become our most challenging question,” Princeton Divinity Professor Dr. Alistair Vance said. “We can explain natural disasters, and we can explain the mystery of suffering… but when you look at a landscape that is 98% corn and 2% orange road construction cones, it becomes difficult to argue for a divine plan. How could a loving God craft such a wretched place?”
The debate intensified after a recent trip to Akron, where researchers found that the local atmosphere consists entirely of corn fields and broken dreams. While some fringe groups suggested that Ohio was actually a form of purgatory designed to make Cleveland Browns fans appreciate the sweet release of death, others have argued it was simply a leftover piece from all the wonderful other places God created.
“We believe we need Ohio so we can appreciate the things in our lives that aren’t Ohio,” Alistair explained. “When we truly examine the nature of the divine, we come to realize that without Ohio, we would be unable to feel true godly sorrow and know what our purpose on this earth is supposed to be. Ohio helps us to more deeply understand the true nature of God’s love in our lives.”
At publishing time, the Vatican had released a brief statement clarifying that while God is indeed all-powerful, even He had stopped short of calling the creation of Ohio “good.”
Editorial Comments by Brian Massie
I must admit that I am a fan of the Babylon Bee’s humor.
However, they failed to acknowledge that the three branches of Ohio’s state government has betrayed the citizens of the state:
1. The Legislative Branch betrayed the citizens by continuing to allow an overly complex property tax system that is pricing citizens out of their homes. The legislators permit third party appraisers to control the destiny of citizens by using complex, proprietary valuation methods, but the appraisers are not accountable to the citizens. Reminds us of the Boston Tea Party back in 1772.
2. The Judicial Branch betrayed the citizens by ruling that the use of property taxes for funding public schools is unconstitutional, but eventually gave up holding the legislators’ accountable to fix the problem, by bailing after a few years.
3. The Executive Branch betrayed the citizens by stating that the “fraud, waste and abuse” so prevalent in Ohio’s state government is just a cost of doing business in this state.
4. All of the elected officials have betrayed the citizens by violating their oath of office since they do not abide by Article 1, Section 1 of the Ohio Constitution.
They do not believe in protecting the citizens’ property, and ensuring happiness for the citizens.
“All men are, by nature, free and independent, and have certain inalienable rights, among which are those of enjoying and defending life and liberty, acquiring, possessing, and protecting property, and seeking and obtaining happiness and safety.”
Categories: Community Activism, Real Estate Taxes, Uncategorized